Shakespeare and a Poodle
by Friday McKenzie
Summary: Through the course of mishap with and imitation alien, Captain John Hart finds himself madly in love with a poodle. To understand all of it it is best for you to know at least the basic plot for A Midsummernight's Dream. Please R&R, thanks! :
1. Chapter 1

Hello! It's my second fanfic, hopefully better than the first. Please read and review!  
Disclaimer: As you all probably know, I do not own Torchwood, Jack, Gwen, Ianto, Tosh, Owen, Shakespeare, A Midsummer night's dream, Captain John Hart, or even a poodle. Please read and review! :)

* * *

It was 9.15pm and Captain Jack Harkness sat in the front row of the dark theatre. Alongside him sat Gwen Cooper, Ianto Jones, Toshiko Sato and Owen Harper.  
'I bloody hate Shakespeare!' said Owen loudly, 'Why couldn't you give us the night off or something? I'd rather be doing anything but this.'  
'Hush, Owen.' Gwen scolded him, quietly this time, 'Tosh picked up some rift activity on her scanners. Besides, Shakespeare is classic. Who-_other than you_-doesn't like _A Midsummer night's Dream_?'  
Jack glared at both of them. 'It's amazing that we even got tickets. An old friend got them to me,' Jack spoke in an angry whisper, 'and I really don't want us to get kicked out. And besides,' he said, more relaxed now, 'it's better than weevil hunting!'

Owen glared at the stage, wincing every time one of the dancers leaped or frolicked. Beside him Gwen sighed and relaxed. Ianto was leaning forward, eyes fixed to the performers. He bobbed his head slightly while he muttered alongside the actors;  
'_Set your heart at rest!  
__The fairyland buys not the child of me,  
__His mother was a votress of my order,  
__And as we sat together in the spiced Indian air at night  
__Full often hath she gossip'd by my side…'_

Owen looked at him and snickered. Ianto seemed to be brought of his Shakespearian trance fell back in his seat, his face likening to the shade of his hot pink shirt.  
The performance went on. By act two, Owen was snoring loudly in his seat. Tosh, who seemed undisturbed by the performance at first, was staring intently at one of the fairies.

'Do you see something, Tosh?' Jack asked quietly.  
'Look at the boy's eyes, Jack. The boy playing Puck.'  
Jack looked at his eyes. 'I don't see anything.'  
'No, keep looking.'  
Jack stared at the boy's eyes for about a minute. They were blue, a sort of striking sapphire colour, but not necessarily unnatural. He turned back to Tosh. 'I don't see anything unusual about them, Tosh, what did you see?'  
'Wait, just look again.'

Jack turned to look again at the boy's eyes. Tosh was right though; something was up with them. They had changed from a sapphire blue to a soft brown colour.  
'Do you have that scanner thing with you?' He asked her.  
'Yes. It _is_ detecting rift particles on him, but it also seems to show that he's human. Or at least very close to human.'  
Jack stared at the boy frustrated. Then his expression changed and he smiled widely. 'You know what I love about these tickets?' he asked, 'Backstage passes!'

Ianto poked Owen harshly. 'Wake up, sleepyhead. Show's over.' The rest of the audience had long since left. 'We're going to investigate some alien kid.' Owen stirred and started turning his head, but noticed a string of drool attached between the right side of his lip and the headrest of the chair. He scratched his cheek in an attempt to make it look like his lip was itching while wiping the drool off. He glared at Ianto and pushed past him. 'Where's Jack, tea-boy?' he asked.  
'Backstage.' Ianto replied. Owen angrily started toward the door. Ianto looked at the wet spot where Owen's mouth had been and laughed. 'Not only does he snore, but he drools, too!' Ianto called after him. He heard Owen shudder as he passed through the door.  
'So, who did you get the tickets from?' Gwen asked Jack.  
'You two have met actually.'  
Gwen raised an eyebrow.  
'Captain John Hart.' He clarified. 'Remember him?'  
'Hard to forget the _dashing_ John Hart.' Gwen declared sarcastically, scowling.  
'I know it is!' said a voice from behind her.

Both Gwen and Jack wheeled around to see Captain John Hart standing behind them.  
'John!' Jack shouted. John embraced him warmly.  
'Where've you been, after you tried to kill me and half my crew?'  
'Murder rehab.'  
'Again?' Jack laughed. 'So why the hell did you have five, no, six including yourself, tickets to _A Midsummer night's Dream  
_anyway?'  
'I wanted to go on a date.' John said innocently.  
'A six person date?' Jack laughed.  
'What's wrong with that?' John asked defensively.  
A cough from them. Owen, Tosh and Ianto were staring at them.  
'Oh, hello again Eye Candy, Grumpy… whats-yer-name…'  
'So-- anyway… Yes, we get to meet the cast in just a few minutes.' Jack announced.


	2. Chapter 2

A boy walked through the door in front of the six people. He was very short but had great presence. He looked no older than 10 years old.  
Jack walked forward. 'Hello. You played Puck, right? What's your name?'  
The kid with changing eyes smiled at him. 'It's Rivenev, Captain Jack Harkness. I usually go by Colin'  
Jack drew back slightly. 'So, Rivenev, who usually goes by Colin. How do you know my name?'  
'I can see things. I can imitate them. I become them. I could become you. But I just think like you instead.'  
'Okay. Creepy little boy.' Owen said from behind them.  
'You seem creepy too, Owen Harper.' Rivenev announced.  
'_Doctor_ Owen Harper.' He glared back.  
'So, why do you play Puck?' Jack asked Rivenev.  
'Because he's fun. He's bad but he's good. He is chaotic but he can make things right. If he wants too.' The boy laughed.  
'But I can be anyone.'  
He looked at Jack. Slowly, he changed into a twin Jack.  
'I see your thoughts, Jack. And I know your mind.' He smiled and then changed into the last person that Jack expected to see.  
'And now,' Rivenev said through the lips of Bilis Manger, 'I will escape.' Rivenev paused and smiled.  
Then he disappeared, as the real Bilis Manger usually would.

'Tosh, did you get a reading as to where it's heading? You can usually get coordinates for teleports after we got some of the data from UNIT from Sontaran technology.'  
'Sorry, Jack, it's not gonna work.'  
'Damn.'

* * *

As Captain John Hart walked home, he came across the boy, who was now dressed as Puck from _A Midsummer night's Dream_. Before he could do anything, the boy made him faint, and he fell asleep peacefully. The boy put drops of dew on his eyelids. When John Hart woke up the next morning, the first thing he saw was a lone poodle walking around the grass…


	3. Chapter 3

'Oh, you're gorgeous!' John reached out his hands to the poodle. It backed away. 'No, really, oh, look at your fur!'  
John got up off of the grass and the poodle made a soft yelping noise as she was picked up. 'Hmm,' John pondered, 'What to name you… How about… Donna. You look like a Donna to me.' He smiled and cradled the poodle. It whimpered. 'Oh, Jack would love Donna! Hey Donna,' he said, rubbing behind the poodles ears, 'Let's take you to Uncle Jack.'

Ianto stared at John with great confusion. He was sitting in the Tourist Information area of the front of Torchwood. 'So let me get this straight, you want to tell Jack that you've found a poodle which you are in love with.'  
'Exactly!' John smiled and bounced on his feet. 'I can't wait for them to meet. I think they have so much in common!'  
Ianto stared at John, sighed, and pressed the button to open the Torchwood entrance.  
John skipped in and Ianto stomped behind him.

Jack stared at John. 'You're in love with a poodle?' John nodded enthusiastically.  
'What?!' Gwen entered the room, 'What the hell is it with you and poodles?'  
'It's not just a poodle,' John retorted, 'It's Donna.'  
'Where did you get the name?' Jack asked  
'Not sure. Either Donna or Rose. I thought it sounded good.'  
'Where do you get the names?!'  
John frowned. 'Hey, do you think Donna and I could borrow a hairbrush?'  
'NO, there will be no _you and a poodle and a hairbrush_ anywhere in the hub. No. BAD!'  
'You're just jealous. Anyway, I just wanted to groom her fuzzy black fur.' He started cooing and rubbed his nose against hers.

Ianto spoke up. 'In _A Midsummernight's Dream_, doesn't Puck put the dew stuff on peoples eyes and then they fall madly in love with the first person or thing that they see?'  
Gwen nodded. 'John, where did you wake up this morning?'  
'On some grass. That's when I met Donna. We were meant to be!'  
The poodle struggled slightly and attempted to free itself before John hugged it closer, partially suffocating it.  
'Jack,' Gwen asked, 'I think that our little alien friend who is so good at imitation, decided to play his role as Puck.'  
'Damn.'


End file.
